


Feels Like Heaven To Me

by platonicdagger



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Trans Character, Transgender, dan is a trans girl and phil is a cis boy, its not as sad as i usually write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 15:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4309704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/platonicdagger/pseuds/platonicdagger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The journey isn't always easy but the destination probably wouldn't be as rewarding if it was.</p>
<p>or, reflections on a year of transitioning and a growing relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feels Like Heaven To Me

**Author's Note:**

> feedback appreciated, slap me if i've fucked up at all.
> 
> hit me up on sighphil.tumblr.com

The light is blinding and her soft brown hair seems laced with gold as the sun pours through the cracks in the curtains and across her sleeping form, his fingers tracing patterns gently along her arm. Phil smiles at how peaceful she always looks when she sleeps. He never wants to wake her, not when it was only a year earlier his girlfriend was laying awake in bed nearly all night wanting to feel okay...

It was surprising, and slightly confusing at first, having Dan sit him down one summers night and tell him through a veil of tears about being a girl. It had taken him ten seconds to stop being shocked and jump up to kiss the tears away. He'd wished he'd known, had guessed or even just suspected so that he could have taken away her worry and let her know it was okay much earlier than two years into their relationship. It had been a hard journey after that, but he had watched the weight on her shoulders get lighter and lighter with every step they made together.

The first thing he did was take her clothes shopping, which he admitted he always hated doing, but watching a small pretty sales assistant with bright blue hair named Holly (who would later become a good friend of theirs) take his girlfriend into the women's changing room with no hesitation and a calming smile had changed his mind. Only a few days after that, they had a discussion about make-up and Dan gingerly confessed that she would like to wear it, which led to a disastrous attempt at a makeover and a very hard to remove lipstick stain. They both agreed to call in help and after a few long phone calls he found his apartment overtaken by youtubers. PJ and Hazel filmed the process per Dan's request, Zoe and Louise did her make-up and Carrie picked out an outfit with Holly while having a slight argument about which Les Mis character was best. Phil hadn't known how to help really, but he had ended up holding her hand while she addressed the camera. She used that video to come out as trans.

The main backlash had been ignorant comments from trolls, but even that had been hard to see behind the crashing waves of support. Both Phil and Dan took great delight in using money that was 30% from the views of transphobic and homophobic dickheads and using it for breast augmentation. The process of the surgery hadn't taken very long, but it had come with a storm of insecurities and barriers. One tearful night not long after the recovery, Dan had shown him for the first time and admitted fears about how he might leave now that it was done, and how he couldn't possibly really accept her as a woman; Phil washed those fears away with gentle caresses and lingering kisses. 

They both went to therapy after that, both together and privately, to learn how to work it all out. It took months for him to help convince Dan that she didn't have to be in full make up and a pretty dress every day to be seen as valid, but if that was how she felt comfortable then that was okay too. The hardest thing for Dan to work through was realising that her journey wasn't a burden on Phil. He told her time and time again that it wasn't, that he loved her and wanted to see her be happy and herself and having a part in getting her there is so much more of a reward than a problem. They had their fair share of 'conventional couple' arguments too, and all the old classics were brought up on the daily, ''Why the fuck did you eat my special K?'', ''how can you possibly be late, you were twenty minutes closer than me!'', brought to you by the makers of ''Give me the fucking camera, my videos are more important.'' 

Approximately six months after the coming out video was released, Dan was contacted by a charity focusing solely on the youth in the UK and Europe that needed support in being able to express who they are in the same way she was able to. She easily agreed to become a spokesperson for the charity, and to help raise money, acknowledging that she had it easier than so many others. The charity helped them both grow so much, Phil learned more about the issues people face and understood it all more than ever, with their joint viewers and the help of a surprising amount of other youtubers they raised over £200,000 for the charity. The money helped so many people, and the smile on her face was electric.

Now, one year on from her telling him the truth, he watches the radiant love of his life and wonders how people can begrudge someone this. How can you look at someone and tell them that who they are is wrong, that who they love is wrong, how can you do that when it hurts nobody and makes people happy? It wasn't his battle to face, and he knows that, but he watched her blossom and come alive in such a short time purely because she didn't have to hide any more, so hell yes he's going to be angry for the rest of his life that there are people in the world who have to wake up and pretend, that they can't be free. 

He'll kiss her softly when she wakes up and gives him that cute mocking look she gives every time he's caught staring, he'll remind her every day to take her hormones and eat right, he'll propose to her on a warm summers day and pull a face because she'll get lipstick all over his face for the thousandth time. He'll watch her walk down the aisle in a way too expensive dress and will be filled with so much pride that it might burst from him like rays of sunlight. He'll raise a toast to the people who don't understand, because he'll always feel sorry for them thinking it could be wrong, because how could something that's apparently so wrong, feel this right?


End file.
